Not For Me To Say

I don't consider it my place to explain what globophilia is, or what it is not. I can describe what my particular brand of globophilia involves, what it makes me think, and how it makes me feel, to the best of my ability.

But it is a widely varied beast, this fetish, this attraction to a rubber bag filled with air. If you read other writers on the topic (yes, I'm not the only one, much to my own surprise), they will tell you about the fetish with some confidence, even as they oversimplify.

People with a balloon fetish, they will tell you, are called "looners." Well, some are, and bloggers and magazine writers and porn sites have picked up on the term. I can't stand it. It's flippant and silly and makes us sound crazy. Having strong sexual feeling about balloons may, in itself, be a bit off-kilter. But I assure you I am quite sane. And I am not a "looner." I am a globophile.

The bloggers will tell you that the globophiles come down to two types: poppers and non-poppers, the first getting off of balloons popping and the second getting off on balloons without popping them, and that any variations are just degrees along this continuum. Again, a vast oversimplification. It's kind of like saying that, in politics, there are liberals and conservatives, and everyone falls somewhere on the line between the two.

But as with most things in life, it's not nearly that simple. I'm what might be called a popper. I pop balloons, and I love to watch women pop balloons. But only if they pop the balloons in certain ways. I like to watch women blow up balloons until they pop. I like to watch them sit on them or squeeze them. But I really feel disappointed if a woman pops a balloon by stepping on it or sticking it with a pin or with her fingernails. And I absolutely loathe popping a balloon with a lighter or a cigarette.

And, by the way, popping balloons also scares the crap out of me. And I like to watch women do things that don't involve popping balloons, too, like cuddle them next the their breasts, or just blow them up and tie them, or stuff them into their clothing, or sit on them without popping them (which is entirely possible, in case you didn't know that).

Now there are globophiles who like nothing better than pin popping or cigarette popping or bare feet popping, or any number of methods that do nothing for me. And there are those who hate popping because it scares them, and those who hate popping even though it doesn't scare them and those who don't particularly hate popping, but just don't find it sexually gratifying.

And that's just a small taste of the great variety of interests covered by this one term, globophilia, or balloon fetishism, if you prefer. Because people with a sexual interest in toy balloons are, first and foremost, human.