Recently I noticed that the Slim Jim balloons, the lovely, 6-foot long balloons from Tilly, are back. I have always wanted to order a large package of these balloons, and I was really upset when they went off the market that I didn’t get the chance to have more than one or two to play with. I can get bags of 50 from Amazon.com or a wholesaler in Connecticut, and the price, for such unusual balloons, is not bad.
So why don’t I just jump on it and buy a bag? Because, frankly, although I’m very tempted to buy them, I don’t know what I would do with them. Balloons have three purposes in life. They can serve as decorations, as objects that I like to touch, or as sexual toys (preferably in contact with my lovely wife). Now I’m sure readers of this blog would have many suggestions of just what I might do with some big, long balloons, and I certainly have a few ideas myself. But the reality is that balloons this big would rarely get blown up in my house. They would sit around in a drawer for years.
Why? Well, for one because I am a wimp. Long balloons scare the crap out of me, and I have to get a lot of courage up to inflate them. Another problem is that I have no place to keep big balloons around, and I would really hate to pop a Slim Jim without having kept it around to play with for awhile. I even have trouble find a place to keep 16-inch rounds.
I do decorate with balloons, but I almost never get a chance to do that with anything larger than 11s, partly because I don’t have a lot of space, and partly because the smaller balloons don’t make my wife feel like I’m exposing my fetish to the kids if they happen to come into the bedroom while the balloons are hung up. Anything 6-feet long wouldn’t go over well.
And my sexual fantasies with them? Probably, if I’m being honest with myself, nothing that my wife would feel comfortable with.
It’s not the first time I’ve had this problem. I have a few 36-inch balloons in a drawer that may be too old to trust, but they’re there because I have some very specific fantasies involving those as well, and I have never had the chance to fulfill them. And even if I did, I’d have to pop the balloon soon afterward, because I definitely don’t have a place to keep something like that.
Perhaps someday, when the kids are grown and on their own, I’ll have a little more flexibility with big balloons. My wife and I do talk about it from time to time, and she seem amenable. For now, though, I probably have no use for bag of Slim Jims.
But, in truth, that doesn’t guarantee that I won’t buy them anyway.