A Little Comeback?

I haven't posted in a long time. I haven't written in a long time. And I haven't published anything in nearly two years. I'm not that far away from being able to publish, but the creative juices for balloon-fetish fiction have been running a little dry lately.

Part of this is, no doubt, due to the lack of actual balloon activity in my life recently, just because of circumstances and life getting in the way, and not for any sinister reasons.

But another part is that I'm running low on ideas. I know that there are lots of permutations on this fetish of ours, but the problem is that only a limited number of them turn me on. And while I supposed it shouldn't be too hard to write on a subject that isn't in my sexual comfort zone, I'm not sure if the end product will be of interest to anyone who doesn't share my narrow interests.

That said, I'm giving it a go anyway. I'm writing some stories involving popping methods that are actually a turn-off for me, while trying to imagine how they might be a turn-on for someone else. Not that I'm really trying to get in the head of the character in this case (these are quick fantasies, not full-blown—sorry—short stories); but I'm hoping that I've framed the events so that they are a turn-on for a reader so inclined.

So I'm taking a risk, just to get past the writer's block, and maybe it will stimulate some ideas for the other book, the one that will actually contain short stories, with richer characters and, yes, some non-popping stories.

It will still take awhile, and I'm grateful to those of you who have stuck with me this long.

Not All Fun and Games

Don't get me wrong. I love having my balloon fetish. It's given me untold pleasure throughout my life. Even the emotional attachment to balloons that I feel is mostly positive; they can give me joy just by being in my line of sight, as they are now while I am writing this, hanging from the ceiling above me.

But there are downsides. I won't talk about the sexual downsides; I have before, to some degree, and they really aren't a problem for me now. Sometimes, though, the emotional baggage gets in the way.

I was in a hotel lobby recently, and in one of the function rooms off the lobby there was a baby shower going on. I wouldn't have even been aware that there were any balloons at the shower, were it not for a little girl running around near the doorway with a pink helium balloon tied to her hand. At that point, my only thought was that I'd be just as happy if the little girl stayed in the function room and out of the lobby.

Fortunately for me, she did. But I was still in the lobby when the guests from the shower were coming out. None of them was holding any balloons. I knew what was coming, and I was dreading it. And it's hard to explain why.

What was coming, of course, was the popping of all the balloons. Not for fun, not as a game, but just to get rid of them. This is something that bothers me emotionally. I want to rush in wherever it's happening and call out, "If you're going to pop those anyway, can I have them?" Of course, it's not usually appropriate to do that (though I did manage to a few times when I was young and single).

And so I had to bear the sound of balloons being popped. It didn't scare me because I wasn't close enough to it, but each pop pained me more than a little. Each explosion gave me the urge to go make it stop, to rescue the balloons from such casual destruction.

Why it affects me this way is hard to say, though it's something that's happened to me since I was a young boy. But then, when I was a young boy, any popping of balloons was painful, horrifying in fact. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, good about popping balloons.

But I've changed. I pop balloons myself for sexual pleasure. Why does the sound and sight of someone jabbing balloons with pins or scissors merely to get them out of the way bother me so much? I don't know for certain; it's just a gut feeling, something I don't think about when it happens.

But I do know that, for me, popping balloons is a meaningful experience. I don't pop balloon casually. I don't like to pop balloons without sexually playing with them, or at least fantasizing about such play when I pop them. And I think that what bothers me is that when balloons are being "cleaned up," there's no emotion at all attached. No one is having fun, nor is the person wielding the sharp instrument, as far as I can tell, sad about what they are doing.

And certainly no one is getting sexually excited by it. At least, not in most cases; I know that some of my fellow fetishists actually do get off on just this kind of popping, and that's great for them. For me, though, it's very upsetting.

I am fortunate, as I have mentioned, to have a very understanding wife. After the incident at the hotel, I asked her if I could blow up a balloon in bed that night. Not for any sexual purposes (though I would have been fine with that), but just to cuddle. I needed to have a balloon on my own terms, under my own control, to fight back the demons of uncaring balloon-poppers that have haunted me since my youth. I needed it just to sleep that night. And it worked.

The irony is, of course, that to some non-poppers, I have become the demon. Not an uncaring popper, but a balloon destroyer nevertheless. I'm unlikely to change in that regard; popping balloon holds too much sexual power for me now, and has since I was a teen.

But I get it. I get it much more than I think the non-poppers realize. I may destroy the objects that they love, but I do feel their pain. And truth be told, when I pop balloons for sexual pleasure, it is not without some trepidation. I just comfort myself knowing that the balloon, which wouldn't have lasted forever anyway, was much appreciated before and in the act of its destruction.

Nothing is simple. Certainly not a balloon fetish.

Shaping Up

It's been a long time coming, I know. I released my last book in October of 2015. I started writing a new collection of stories almost immediately. But 2016 brought a lot of family health issues, and (on the happier side) a lot of other, non-balloon-related writing assignments, and so the stories came in bits and pieces.

But recently I've been able to pick up the pace. I could say that I have enough material for another collection. But I'm not ready to publish yet. Why?

Because, as I said when I started the new stories, I'm actually assembling two different books. And now that I've been doing it, off and on, for more than a year, I can tell you that they are, indeed, two very different books.

One collection, I had originally said, was much like the first. But I no longer think that's true. Yes, I have realistic people whose characters I'm exploring. Yes, the situations are plausible. But I haven't limited myself to chasing after erotic satisfaction in these stories. I find myself exploring more about the emotions and tribulations involved with having an unusual fetish, and some of the emotional issues that aren't even really fetish-related; some of the stories don't even have happy endings.

Some readers might not feel comfortable with these stories. Some may be looking for a quick thrill, stroke material, to be quite honest.

And that's where the other book comes in. It's pure "I wish this had happened to me in real life" fiction, without much character development, without necessarily spending a lot of effort at being realistic, without a lot of set-up or denouement. This is a book for someone who just wants to get his rocks off.

Yes, his, because these fantasies are most likely to appeal to a male balloon fetishist, since that's what I am, and that's what I most like to write. And I have to warn you that there are no non-popping stories in the book. My apologies to the non-poppers. I know how you feel, honestly, but my mind just didn't go there this time.

When I had collected enough stories for each of the two collections, I will publish them, but after that I think I may be taking a break from the anthologies for awhile. For other non-balloon-related projects, of course. But, just maybe, to also concentrate some attention on the sequel to Blowing It!

No promises on that one, but some ideas have finally been coming to me, after a recent re-reading of the original, and so I'm certainly considering it. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy my new stories when they come up, sometime this year, likely before summer is done.

Happily Mistaken

At the beginning of this year, I wrote a post about the balloons I enjoyed when I was young. In it, I made two statements that I now know to be incorrect. And I'm delighted.

The first was that Qualatex no longer makes 9-inch balloons. I thought so because I couldn't find them in Pioneer's current catalog. But I did find them from my supplier, BalloonsFAST, and they are fresh stock. So, if you like smaller balloons, that's one place to find them.

The other statement I made is, "If I had a bag of Qualatex 9s, I'm not sure I would really enjoy them that much." Well, I couldn't resist. Along with my annual purchase of balloons for decorating and fun, I ordered my fondly-remembered 9s, a bag of standard colors, just like I remember.

It took a while before I had the house to myself, but when I did, I put on a pair of sleep pants and a T-shirt, blew up more than a dozen of the small balloons, which goes a lot faster than it does with 11s, and stuffed my pants and my shirt full.

And it felt wonderful. It was the same friendly feeling that I had all along, my lovely balloons pressed against my skin. I lay down on them and savored the feeling and being pressed so tightly against them, an act that I would not have dared as a child, and only figured out was safe as a young adult.

Of course, if one of them popped now, I would be startled, but I would also probably have enjoyed it.
As it happened, none popped by accident. It was just an hour or so of sensual pleasure. But, much to my surprise, it did not excite me sexually, at all.

And when I noticed that, I remembered that, as a young adult, when I would wear balloons around my apartment just to enjoy the feeling, it was the same way. The sexual pleasures were usually separate, and the only sexual feeling I had in regards to stuffing balloons in clothing were when I would imagine women doing it, or (very rarely) actually get to watch a woman do it.

I hadn't worn balloon in my clothing this way since early in my marriage, not since I had children. But it won't be the last time. And popping the balloons after was definitely a sexual delight. So I got the best of both worlds.

So I guess, in some ways, you can go back again.

Spring Cleaning

Winter is over, and eventually that will mean opening up the windows. I look forward to the warm weather, but it means that I will not be decorating my bedroom and office with balloons for the season.

The problem, for me, is oxidation. I tend to keep my balloons up for a long time, and I don't care at all for oxidized balloons. My wife doesn't much care for them either, because of the strong odor. So, in trade for the warm weather and the fresh air, the balloons have to come down.

I miss them during the spring and summer months, pretty much until November, actually. But it's something to look forward to.

And, taking them down is usually a lot of fun.

Meanwhile, I have my stories to keep me thinking about balloons while the sun shines.

Balloons Of My Youth

I'm not that adventurous when it comes to the variety of balloons I play with. Buying Tilly 76s was a big step for me. Almost as big as finding the courage to blow them up. Mostly I have Qualatex 11s and 16s, and I don't even get the chance to use the 16s that often.

Those balloon sizes are actually a change from what I grew up with. It mostly had to do with availability, but I do sometime have a little bit of longing for the balloons I used to play with as a child, a teen, and a young adult, and frankly I think they affected the course of my fetish. It may have manifested itself very differently had I had access to the balloons I use now.

For one thing, the balloons of my youth were smaller. I often was limited to what we used to call "penny balloons," which I now know were 5s and 318s. Most of these were cheap brands, some were from Bluebird (Ashland), but occasionally I would get lucky and find Qualatex.

I remember the original Qualatex clown logo from when I was very little. It was the brand my doctor gave me after a visit. Can you even imagine doctors handing out uninflated balloons now, with latex allergies and choking hazard concerns? Wow.

The balloons my doctor gave out, though, were not 5s or 318s, they were 9s, which seemed like big balloons to me at the time. They are also the balloons I began to stuff into my pajamas. Would I have started that if the balloons had been bigger? I mean, two inches doesn't seem like much, but it makes a real difference.

Anyway, that's just speculation. I have a lot of fond memories of developing my fetish for balloon with nine-inch balloons. Sadly, as far as I can tell, Qualatex no longer makes them.

Also missing from the Qualatex line-up are 318s and 524s, the long balloons I also used to enjoy slipping down the legs of my PJs on the rare occasions when I had them. I had the same fear of blowing them up that I recently experienced with the Tillys. I had a lot more accidental pops with airships then with round balloons. Keep in mind that I was a complete non-popper until my teens.

I also remember the colors being different, especially for a time when I was a young adult. The greens and pinks, especially, had a different quality to them that I can't describe. If I saw them today, I probably wouldn't find them as attractive as the standard colors now, and of course, they didn't have the beautiful jewel tones that I mostly buy now. But those color do bring back memories.

I also remember that black balloons never got firm. I never blew them up even close to popping, of course, but they stayed so soft and squishy. I enjoyed that, but I also always expected them to pop too easily. Even now, I prefer a balloon that takes some punishment before it gives up.

There's no sense trying to recapture the past. Not only are those balloons no longer available, but I've changed, too. My balloon play is different, and with a wife and children, my circumstances are very different, too. If I had a bag of Qualatex 9s, I'm not sure I would really enjoy them that much.

But I'm glad I had them when I did. They serve me just fine as satisfying memories.

Old Balloons

Yesterday I took down the balloons I'd had hanging from the ceiling for more than a month. My wife and I played with them for awhile, and then I popped them. And it reminded me of something: I don't really like old balloons.

Well, okay, it depends on the context. I don't like oxidized balloons at all, though I know some globophiles do (in fact, some like them best that way). But that wasn't the problem with these; this time of year, I can leave them up for months, until spring in fact, and they will stay relatively shiny and pretty, without that oxidized latex odor (which I don't care for, and my wife really hates).

There were two problems with these. They weren't very elastic. Lots of give, but not very good at returning to their shape after some squeezing (and I do a lot of squeezing). And they feel more, I don't know, plastic than newly-inflated balloons. The other problem is that, even though they don't feel sticky, and don't stick to my skin or the covers, they tend to stick to each other. A lot. To the point where sometimes (not this time, happy to say) they pop when pulled apart.

It's a bit of a conundrum. I like to have balloons around for a good long time. I don't get enough chances for play to replace them, say, every week (boy, talk about a pipe dream). But, on the other hand, I cannot bring myself to just pop my old balloons without playing with them first. It's just too wasteful, even if I have enjoyed them visually for a good long time.

So what's the solution? There probably isn't one. If I had to choose between the pleasure of being able to see pretty balloons hanging on the ceiling whenever I walk into my room and the pleasure of having every balloon be perfect for play, I'll hang up the balloons and deal with the minor dissatisfaction when I take them down.

It seems that even something that should be as simple as enjoying balloons comes with its trade-offs.

Welcome the New Year

Another year underway. Of course, I'm hoping that it will include more balloons than last year, and more chances for some erotic play with balloons.

I know that I have a good head start on my other balloon-related goal for the year: to publish two new books of short stories. I've already mentioned what they are, so I'm not giving away any surprises. I just wanted to let you know that I am making progress.

On the stories. On the erotic play? We'll see how that works out.

Feeling Frisky

I get to thinking a lot about balloons this time of year anyway, what with New Year's Eve coming up and all. But this year, I'm thinking about it even more as I sit down every day to write erotic balloon fiction.

The problem, really, with writing two collections at the same time, is that every day I'm dreaming about two different fantasies. And it's not just writing, of course; I have to imagine myself living the experience of my characters, even in the less realistic stories, to make them as exciting as I can manage to make them.

In the more realistic stories, I have to think, "what would my character do and want in this situation?"

In the less realistic stories, I have to think, "what is the best thing that could happen in this situation (even if it's not very likely)?'

And whichever of those things I am thinking, I get to thinking, "I wish I was having some fun with a balloon right now."

Alas, it the opportunity rarely presents itself. I don't think I'll even get much chance on New Year's Eve, because of family obligations, although I think my wife will give me a rain check.

But whenever I get the chance, it's going to seem like a long way away.

Collected

Well, I've finally got it done. The collected balloon fetish short stories of Tim Popper are now available as a single volume, and I've got to say, it's a great deal. The Kindle version is only six dollars, and you can get a printed copy for only $11 (and it's eligible for free shipping for orders over $35).

If you want to get a good preview. the "look inside" feature on Amazon (only working for the Kindle edition as of this writing, but the print preview will come along soon) will give you a good taste of the collection. The book is long enough that you can read the entire first story, a flash fiction piece called Trust, in the preview, and see a good portion of my new story Popping In.

Right now the print and Kindle editions are showing up in search listings separately, but I've contacted customer service and it should be resolved very soon (CreateSpace has great customer service). Once that happens, I'll include links to the new book on the sidebar of this blog.

Because I now have all of these stories available as a collection, which is definitely the most economical way to get them, I will probably stop promoting the individual short stories here and on Twitter, and concentrate on trying to tell people about the book. But I'll still keep them available separately as Kindle books for those who want them ala carte.

I've got lots of housekeeping work to do on the publishing side, so I won't be that visible on social media for a little while. But I'll be back.

Meanwhile, enjoy the stories, and many happy balloons.

It's Here

My new story, Popping In, a New Year's Eve popping fantasy, is now available in the Kindle store. As I said in my last post, if you haven't read all of my stories, you might want to wait a few days and buy my entire collection instead of buying this individual story.

You also might want to hold off if you, like me, like holding a physical book in your hot little hands, to bookmark, highlight, dog-ear, and lend to a friend, because the collection is the only way to get these stories in print format.

And, the collection has two bonus works of flash fiction that I think you'll enjoy that are not available separately.

Whatever works for you, I hope you enjoy the stories, and I promise more in the months and years to come.

Coming Soon, But You Might Want To Wait

I'm publishing a new short story for Kindle in the next couple of days, a New Year's Eve popping fantasy called Popping In. But (and I don't think you expect an author to say this), you might not want to buy it right away.

That's because, within the next week, I will be releasing a collection of balloon stories that includes this new one, my three previously-published stories, and a couple of flash-fiction efforts that will only be available in the collection.

And the collection will be a bargain. Even in printed form, it will cost less than the combined price of the short stories on Kindle.

Of course, if you've read all my previous stories, you should probably get this one separately. But if you haven't, just be patient for a little bit longer and then you can pig out on 40,000 words of balloon-fetish erotica.

I'm getting exciting just thinking about it.

Tilly At Last

I thought that as soon as the kids went back to school, I would have some alone time to play with at least one of my new Tilly 76 spiral balloons. I should have known better. My wife had time off, and though she would have been fine with me spending a little time with a new balloon when she was home, we never managed to have any time alone. Too many kids' activities and house work and, well, life going on.

So it took more than two weeks before I had some time all alone in the house to blow one up. They had been beckoning to me from my bedside drawer forever!

Now, I mentioned in an earlier post that I'm scared of long balloons because of the way the inflate all at once instead of little-by-little (in any one particular spot). So it was with a certain amount of trepidation that I began blowing up this 5-footer.

First let me mention (in case I didn't before) that these balloons are pre-inflated at the factory to make them easier to inflate by mouth. On that score, I give Tilly a perfect 10; the balloons are very easy to blow up. And I kept reminding myself that, since these have been inflated before, the chances are good that any imperfections were already visited upon the workers at the factory and the bad spots have been weeded out.

It was still scary as hell. But, I'm happy to report, the balloon inflated tip to neck without popping, and I survived.

I wasn't sure what to expect from a "high-performance polymer." I though the balloon might not feel as nice as my lovely Qualatex favorites. I was pleasantly surprised. It had a nice soft feel to it, not plastic-like at all. And, being a long balloon (and not too tightly inflated because, you know, that's not how I am), it had a lot of give to it.

I played with it for awhile—very stimulating—but had to pop it because I have no place to keep it. But later in the month I get more time with these balloons, and I'm really looking forward to it. It will probably be a very long time before I use up the entire pack of 18, but I'll enjoy every minute of it.

Thanks, Tilly!

Consolidating

Electronic publishing is definitely overtaking publishing on paper, at least according to my sales figures, and so I will soon be retiring the paperback versions of my short stories. Blowing It! will still be available in print, but nothing shorter than around 20,000 words will be published in any format but Kindle.

That said, I am going to offer a "box set" collection of my three short stories, which will include at least two new stories, sometime in the month of September. One of the new stories will also be available separately on Kindle, but there will be at least one flash fiction story, and maybe one or two others, exclusive to the collection.

And for those few of you who prefer something you can hold in your hand, annotate, dog-ear, and easily lend, the collection will also be available in paperback.

As an aside, I have not forgotten about the Tilly balloons, which are coaxing me from my bedside drawer; I just have had zero time alone all summer, and I'm just waiting for the chance to give one a try.

Tilly!

My Tilly balloons came a few days ago, a couple of days ahead of schedule. They look amazing, and I can hardly wait to open them up and try them out. But, of course, I have to wait, because I'll have no privacy until school is back in session.

My wife and I are going to try to arrange some alone time in September, which seems like years away, and balloons are definitely on the menu. I won't report in detail on the alone time (don't think my wife would care for that), but I will report on the balloons.

A reminder, if you're reading this on the day of publication, Popping Out will be available for free on Kindle from tomorrow through Wednesday. Good time to get in on some very stimulating reading.

Gone and Done It

I said I would. Well, at least I said I might. And today I finally did. I ordered a package of Tilly 60-inch long spiral balloons. I've never had any of these before, and I've been fascinated by them for a long time, and, well, I like the company.

I bought them on eBay, from Tilly's own account, and it shouldn't take them long to get here, because they aren't far away. I'm brimming over with anticipation, which is kind of a shame, because even after they arrive I probably won't get a chance to do anything with them until next month, after the kids are in school.

So, that will be torture. And then, when it actually comes time to use them, well, the truth is that I've always been fairly afraid of long balloons. If you've been reading this blog for any time, you know that, while popping balloons turns me on, and watching a pretty lady pop balloons turns me on more, it also scares me.

Round balloons blow up evenly all around, giving me a chance to inspect for imperfections before they get taut enough to pop (in most cases, anyway; accidents happen). But long balloons blow up along their length, and each portion gets fairly tight in very short order.

So buying these balloons that I've never had before, that kind of scare me, might seem an act of foolishness, or an act of bravery. Well, foolish it might be, but as far as bravery is concerned, we'll see when it actually comes time to blow them up.

Just a reminder, if you're reading this on the day it was published, Eric's Secret, my only story so far with a non-popping main character, is free today and tomorrow for Kindle.

Free Stuff and Upcoming Stuff

Well, I did it. Withdrew from all my social media outlets except Twitter and this blog. It's been a little painful, but it has saved me much-needed time and attention for my real job.

Not to say I'm ignoring balloon fetish fiction entirely (and I'm certainly not ignoring my own balloon fetish, just so you know). I'm slowly writing a collection of short stories. I've complete one fairly substantial one, about a New Year's Eve party, and one very short one (short enough to be considered "flash fiction") about the angst before telling someone you love about your fetish.

Probably not writing this month, but when summer's over I will get back to it, aiming to have enough to publish by year's end or soon after.

Meanwhile, as sort of an apology for fading into the background, I'm offering my three short stories for free, starting today with Friends With Fetishes. Eric's Secret gets three free days starting next Monday, and Popping In a week after that.

Remember, you don't have to own a Kindle to read Kindle books; there are apps for pretty much everything, and even an online reader for those of you using devices and operating systems outside the mainstream.

I'll hope you'll enjoy them, let friends know about them, and, if you would be so kind, give each an honest review.

And follow me on Twitter, stop back by the blog every once in awhile, and even drop me a line from time to time.

I'm still here. I'm just being a little quiet.

Pulling Back

As I mentioned in an earlier post, writing balloon fetish stories is not what I do for a living. And what I do to put food on the table is now taking much more of my time. And so compromises are in order.

I will still be writing balloon stories; I love them too much to let that go. But my social media presence is about to get much smaller.

Before the month of July is out, I will have deleted my Facebook account, and with it the mostly-inactive page for Blowing It!

I am not leaving Facebook because of any mistreatment; it's just taking too much time and attention. I will also be bowing out of Pinterest and my practically non-existent presence on Goodreads and Library Thing.

So, where can you continue to find out about my new stories as they appear? Twitter is still a good bet, and this blog will still be around. You can also check my Amazon author page from time to time. And I check my email every day.

I want to thank everyone who's friended and followed me over the last few years since the publication of Blowing It! And I hope that you'll keep up with me.

And, of course, I wish you many lovely balloons in the years to come, in whatever ways you most enjoy them.

May Have To Give In

I've been successfully resisting my strong urge to buy some Tilly Slim Jims for several months now, since I discovered them on eBay. It's not that they don't look like fun, it's mostly that I don't know that I've have any opportunities to put them to good use anytime in the next, well, five years or so until my kids leave home.

But now I have yet another reason to patronize the Tillotson family. If Neil Tillotson had done nothing more in his life than give us the latex balloon, people like me would still be forever in his debt. But he also created the Tillotson Foundation.

Recently, the Tollotson foundation, which supports charity in and around Coos County, donated $300,000 to various projects. This was a man who cared about the people in his community.

Neil might not have been one of us, but he gave us something special that changed our lives, I think for the better. I don't know if I would be the person that my wife fell in love with without my balloon fetish. Not that she loves my fetish so much, but I think I would be a different person without it.

When the Tillotson family decided to start making balloons again, they didn't start back up in Dixville Notch, but they didn't go far; just a little north to Colebrook, on the Canadian border.

I think this kind of dedication to both quality balloons and the local community deserve my support. I don't know when I'm going to get to try out my Tilly balloons, but I think I'll be buying some very soon.

Breaking Through the Wall

I have been working, or avoiding work, on the same story for months now. I kid myself that it is because of my other work, and there is some truth to that. I have done a lot of writing for my "normal" audience this year.

But I've also felt a little dry on the balloon fetish front. Even with several story ideas in front of me, it seems in some ways that I'm writing the same scenes over and over. Today, I still have some of that feeling, but I did finish the first draft of the story, at least.

I will have to leave it alone for a few days and then go back to it to see if I still feel the same way about it. Is it stale? Is the change in setting enough to make up with the fact that there are only so many ways to have sex with balloons (at least, only so many ways I feel qualified to write about)?

I could be completely wrong about that. I have had the same feelings before about my more conventional writing, and upon re-reading discovered that it wasn't as much the same as I had originally thought.

Meanwhile, I'm going to dive into the next story, picking something more about feelings and less about the actual sex, hoping to find a fresh angle.

I suppose that I will eventually run out of balloon fetish stories to tell. But maybe I haven't.

Not yet.